


One Fine Day Under Central Command

by SonjaJade



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-11 22:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10475355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: Father knows best…





	

It was a cold, damp day in Central.  Envy was sitting with Greed under Central Command, playing poker and bitching about how ‘Dad doesn’t love me,’ for like the hundredth time this week.  “Listen, at least Pops didn’t melt you down, drink you, then spit you into some slanty-eyed teenager,” Greed said as he upped the ante on a particularly nice hand.

“I swear the man thinks I’m nothing more than a go-fer.  Just Daddy’s little errand boy.  And couldn’t he have given me the decency of having some.. parts!?”  Envy raised the bet, bluffing on a pair of threes.  “For fuck’s sake, I don’t have an identity!”

Greed chuckled.  “You got the ability to be any sex you want, and you’re bitching about not being one or the other?  Come on, you can get all the pussy you want if you turn yourself into that Prince from Aerugo, and all the cock you can handle if you transform into Lust.”  He laid down his flush and smirked when Envy slammed his cards down on the table.  “Y’know, even though she was my sister, I totally woulda fucked the shit out of her.”

Envy gave a dismissive wave.  “Eh, her tits were too big.”

“Just how I like ‘em.”

Then in a completely different voice, “The size of her breasts means nothing in comparison to the size of her heart!  A woman should be judged for that, not her body!” 

“Shut up, Princie, just because your precious little body guard’s got tiny tits doesn’t mean she ain’t worthy of my cock.”

“It’s _my_ cock you asshole!!  And damn right she’s worthy!!”

Envy watched this artful exchange of ideas for a moment, and then heard heavy footsteps to his left.  Glancing up, he saw Father walking toward them.  Grinning, he said, “Don’t mind him Dad, just dealing with that punk you merged him with.”

Father’s stoic face never flinched as he quipped, “Something you could never have done, Envy.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Just what I said.  If it’d been you that had been given unto the Xingese boy, you simply couldn’t coexist with him.  The prince would have overpowered you long ago.”  He watched as Envy’s bottom lip began to quiver, and then he transformed into his giant form and taunted the prince lurking inside of Greed’s new body.  Ling would cry out, only to have Greed soothing him the next breath.  “Stop that, you’re giving me a headache,” Father said as he wandered back to his throne.

Envy stared, jaw dropped, then resumed his humanoid form.  He stomped off in the direction of the freight elevator, sputtering incoherent curses and clenching his fists.  Greed turned toward the blond headed man in white.  “Ouch, that was a little harsh, Pops.”

“Envy is the most useless of all the sins.  You’ll do well to remember that, Greed.”  He walked away, looking down at the playing cards and poker chips littering the floor.  “And pick up this mess.”


End file.
